That Was The Week That Was – Week 09

It’s been like a week of watching reruns of Dad’s Army as former Premier, John Major, joined a growing list of malcontents, Blair, Clegg, Wilson, Osborne, Heseltine, Mainwaring, Kinnock, Mandelson, Pike, all wanting their say over the madness of Brexit.

The Grey Man waded into the Brexit debate on Monday during his Chatham House speech, where he said that leaving the EU will be a “historic mistake”, well, he certainly knows all about those doesn’t he Edwina?

Major continued, the public were being misled, he said, and “there was little chance we will be able to match the advantages of the single market” and mocked the Brexiteers (aka convert May) who wanted to pretend that 65 million of us are all together, Brexiteers who wanted to sweep everything under the carpet before they’re found out “we all pretend that there are no risks, no doubts and that none of us voted to Remain on 23 June”.

As the critics lined up to attack Major, including Rees Dogg, IDS and Lamont, we’re all reminded that nobody in their right mind had ever agreed with anything that these people, along with Johnson, Gove, Farage et al, had ever said about anything.

Norma Lamont in particular was quick to criticise Major which, coming from his own chancellor, must have made him laugh. Lamont made a fist of attacking Major but unlike Black Wednesday he raised little interest.

Still reeling from last Thursday’s humiliations, Labour’s Shadow Chancellor, John McDonnell, claimed a soft coup has been launched against Jeremy Corbyn by elements in the Labour Party. McDonnell named unnamed plotters and, using that old tried and tested ploy when everything else has failed, went on to blame the ‘Murdoch empire’ for supporting a “coordinated and fully resourced” coup.

Sir Keir Starmer

All very confusing, so confusing in fact that Sir Keir Starman didn’t have a clue what McDonnell was going on about and told him. The truth is whilst the rest of us know full well that Murdoch, and the whole of the Tory party, want Jezza to stay just where he is until hell freezes over, loyal John thinks otherwise – but you have to say something, but, just a tip John, sometimes it’s best to say nothing and keep people guessing.

Things are going from bad to worse over at the Lords for The Appeaser, with a heavy defeat already under her belt, 358 Lords voted in favour of the amendment to guarantee the rights of EU citizens living in Britain, while 256 voted against; the prospect of even greater defeats looms large as old Hezza starts flexing the muscle poor old Jezza just wished he had.

Another blast from the past, Norman Tebbit reminded us all, that, despite the best efforts of Herr Farage, we’ve moved on from the mindless xenophobia of the Empire days, well, certainly those of us who can see past a person’s nationality and colour have.

Good old Norman got the response Chubby Brown would have received performing at the Green Party’s winter festival as he asked why the Lords are more concerned with the rights of foreigners over British people.

That’s right Norman, bloody Johnny Foreigner, coming over here, riding our bikes, British bikes, looking for work and paying taxes and national insurance, you tell ‘em Norman.

Talking of Herr Farage, and what week wouldn’t be complete without the gift that keeps on giving, Nige appears a little upset over Douglas Carswell blocking his knighthood. What knighthood is that, you may well ask? Possibly one that UKIP leader Paul Nuttall has organised in his capacity as Baron of Bootle?

There’s more chance of Arron Banks giving a million-pound donation to the Labour party than Farage getting a knighthood, he’ll have to contend himself with the one from the little girl who, after pretending to knight him, said “my mummy says you don’t like foreigners” Not like Nigel to be involved in anything staged is it!

Morecambe & Not So Wise

Arron Banks finished the week by launching a new career in stand-up comedy. He’s a card is Ron, he’s had us rolling in the aisles talking about UKIP being run like a squash club, that he was going to run against their only MP, Douglas Carswell, and that UKIP’s leader was weak and lost the Stoke by-election because of the Hillsborough lies on his website, obviously completely forgetting that he’d fanned those flames into an inferno through a twitter war with Mirror writer Brian Reade.

Our advice to Arron is forget the comedy and get that cheque book out again, there could be a few by-elections to fight sooner than you think; someone has been on the fiddle!