That Was The Week That Was – Week 06

Always a sign that someone is doing something right, Nigel Farage, between dodging eggs in Stoke, flew off the handle at the news John Bercow wouldn’t be rolling out the Westminster red carpet for ‘The Donald’ during a proposed State visit.

A visit the ever increasingly desperate ‘Theresa the Appeaser’ now wished, alongside the Queen, the Police and most of London, she’d never offered.

Responding to a point of order Bercow began his statement diplomatically enough with, “We value our relationship with the United States,” but then, with all the subtlety of a turd on a vicar’s daughter’s lawn, he launched into reasons why he would not invite ‘The Donald.’

“I feel very strongly that our opposition to racism and sexism and our support for equality before the law and an independent judiciary are hugely important considerations in the House of Commons.”

To huge applause Labour stalwart Dennis Skinner raised a further point of order, “two words Mr Speaker, well done!”

The knives of the chinless wonders of the Tory WhatsApp mafia will be out to get John Bercow. It will be interesting to see if Parliament agrees with him as a vote of no confidence has been tabled.

Snide Letter to PM

This week the 2-page Article 50 bill entered its committee stage, and, with 3 days to debate 140 pages of amendments, the government were ensuring full consideration was going to be given to what is, after all, only the future of the country for the next century.

With 27 Tories threatening to upset the vicar’s daughter’s tea party, her whips had their work cut out; but perhaps not as much work as their opposite numbers.

Across the floor a quarter of Labour MP’s threatened to defy the whip, even some of the whips were threatening to defy the whip.

If the truth be known, few were taking any notice of their leader, a leader who’d made a career of ignoring whips; this had all the hallmarks of a fiasco and those expecting it weren’t to be disappointed.

Great speeches, interspersed with a vacuous choir of “will of the people.” “The people have spoken,” and the clockwork like mantra of Jacob Rees Dogg “the result was clear,” did little to arrest the tsunami of “the noes have it” as one by one the amendments were dismissed by a government who could hardly believe its luck and could hardly hide it.

A tantalising glimpse of what could have been was seen during PMQ’s when Jeremy Corbyn played the Appeaser like a violin over private text messages that appeared to show a cash strapped Tory council being offered a special deal.

The Appeaser was left with no strings, in fact no bow, to her ‘fiddle’ as Corbyn landed blow after blow.

“I wonder if it’s anything to do with the fact that the Chancellor and Health Secretary both represent Surrey constituencies?” Jezza roared as Health Secretary Hunt’s face turned a shade of bright red faster than May’s nose had turned brown in Washington.

With Corbyn now conducting the proceedings, he hammered home, “I’ve been reading a bit of John le Carre and apparently, R means referendum, it’s all very subtle this.”

The Appeaser went full Maybot accusing the Labour leader of using ‘alternative facts’ and ending with the hysterical allegation that whilst she talks of spending half a trillion pounds Labour talk about borrowing it.

UK National Debt

This, from a government that has borrowed a trillion pounds? Small wonder that ‘alternative facts’ come into being when the purveyors of said ‘alternative facts,’ the right-wing press, are in and out of Downing Street so often – some even staying to take up official positions – the Tories have put out a tender to fit a revolving door.

“No question, now, what had happened to the faces of the pigs. The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.”

Unfortunately, it was all very Jim Bowen, “here’s what you could have won” and we were very much the losing contestants as Labour failed to act as the official opposition in marshalling its troops in the way the SNP had.

The Lib Dems and the rest kind of did, but not in a way that formed a cohesive unit to oppose the government’s goal of dismissing all amendments to the 137-word bill.

Labour’s Keir Starmer is quickly gaining a reputation for being a man who sees a straw and grasps it. That Parliament would have an early vote on the draft Brexit deal with the European Union isn’t a concession. The ‘Appeaser’ had already given that hollow promise, a take it or leave it vote. Let’s be honest, Hobson had more of a choice.

As the votes were counted the distinct feeling of a wake descended on the house. The SNP hummed and sang Ode to Joy, but there was none to be had as MP’s on both sides muttered “this is madness’ whilst being shepherded through the lobbies like lambs to the slaughter.

There’s a line in Ode to Joy that proclaims “All people become brothers where your gentle wings abide.” Quite a poignant line considering whilst we filed for divorce from our ‘brothers’ across the channel the government quietly announced we are no longer going to ‘take under our wing’ the child refugees as agreed under the Dubs amendment.

Originally agreeing to provide support and sanctuary to 3,000 lone children fleeing the war in Syria, Britain has taken just 350. An average of two per council.

Perhaps with its new-found wealth Surrey could do a little more?

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