SELECTIVE BOLLOCKS, SPIN AND THE END OF DEBATE.

Today we publish the first of what we hope will be regular articles by the renowned observer of life, Eugene Ruane. Eugene’s take on the zeitgeist is both unique and entertaining; strap yourselves in and enjoy the ride……

Three years ago this month, a pentecostal preacher in Kentucky died after being bitten by a rattlesnake.

Jamie Coots apparently ‘lived and died consistent with his faith’ said Professor Ralph Hood of the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga, adding ‘his death will only inspire more people to obey an instruction from God in the Gospel of Mark that they shall take up serpents.’

(I know what you’re thinking, a professor called ‘Ralph’, fucking weird)

Hood added ‘This won’t stop them, just the opposite.’ Hood, a friend of Coots and the most noted expert on the Appalachian serpent-handling tradition, continued ‘They will continue and praise Jamie Coots as a martyr who died for his faith.’

Now here’s the thing, the actual bit from the bible that this insane cobblers is based on, says..

“They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover”

Question – where does it say ‘dead fucking poisonous snakes’? (clue, it doesn’t)

“Ah yes but that is..assumed”

Really, I thought the whole point was this was all about obeying the LITERAL word of God and he (literally) doesn’t mention ‘poisonous.’

“Erm…um..yes but that’s what he meant”

– SFX: Family Fortunes wrong answer noise –

Selective bollocks and spin!

The deluded crackpot who died could have been dancing about like a loon and waving a harmless grass snake, but..where’s the drama in that?

Right?

They CHOOSE rattlesnakes because it suits their (fucking insane) purpose.

As I said to the reverend Coots, “Hfyujjvnnvhdgdfnvhtsjhgdtjdjdypoo”

(that’s me speaking in tongues, HE knows what I mean).

Of course in reality, we’re all occasionally guilty of selective bollocks and spin when it suits our purpose.

You get into an argument about some nonsense, hammer the bits you know strengthen your case, ignore the bits that don’t – voila.

But usually it’s harmless stuff.

I mean if you’re arguing ‘Best British TV dancer you’ve never actually seen dance, Lionel Blair or Wayne Sleep?’ nobody gets hurt whoever wins (it’s Sleep by the way, pisses it)

The problem with selective bollocks and spin comes when it’s used by a handful of people with power who can change the lives of millions.

And right now it seems selective bollocks and spin is EVERYWHERE.

Debate has basically been reduced to Pee-Wee Herman’s “I know you are but what am I?”

I’m imagining university debating evenings where one side puts forward a 15 minute, cogent, reasoned, rational argument for the scrapping of Trident and get a 5 second response along the lines “Yeah well that’s what I’d expect from someone with a centre-part and suede shoes”

And the terrifying thing right now is it seems more than half the audience might nod sagely and think ‘good point.’

If that seems like spin or a gross exaggeration, consider this – in the brexit debate the leading brexiteers told us £350m would go to the NHS if we left (even drove a campaign bus with it written on the side)

The morning after the vote, Farage was interviewed and waved that away “Oh no look that was never going to happen.”

And our response?

Basically tutting and shaking our heads.

I’m currently fascinated by how much we hear about Jeremy Corbyn and how little we hear about Theresa May, given their present situations.

To read some articles and see the flak he gets, you’d think he was PM.

He’s leader of the opposition and in reality right now, doesn’t have much say in anything.

She is an unelected PM who campaigned for remain, yet is now pushing for a hard brexit, but..HE gets more stick.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m familiar with our media so none of this is a surprise, but it’s worth reminding yourself once in a while that what is served to you as ‘the news’ is simply what someone with a fuck-load of money tells you is the news.

I mean why is what the Royals do ‘the news’?

(clue: it isn’t)

On the BBC when the Olympics was on, every night the first thing their ‘news’ was how many medals Britain (of it you prefer ‘team GB’) had won?

Why?

Fine if you want to make it first item on the SPORTS news, but no, someone decided Sally Pally-Wally winning bronze in the ‘Tae Kwon Do’ was more important than Syria being bombed to fuck.

Just seems…nuts.

I can offer no solution but I do feel it a duty to point out obvious lies, spin and bollocks whenever I see it and twitter seems a good place to do it.

You can follow Eugene on twitter @thegoldenvision

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